From REI Academy
"No" is one of the shortest yet most powerful words in our
vocabulary. It's one of the first words we hear as an infant
when our parents try to keep us from harm and we continue to
hear it every day 'til the day we die.
Somewhere along the way "no" got a bad rep. We've come to
think that "no" is exclusionary, rather than inclusive. "No"
seems to shut down interaction with others. "Can I have a puppy?
"No."" "Do you want to go out Saturday night? "No."" "Boss, can
I have a raise? No!"" "No" means "no" and "no" is BAD!
Or IS it?
If we can attain some mastery of the word we may find that we
acquire a new ability to accept and use it to create the life we
want. Instead of being a "negative" or "downer" word, maybe "no"
can be a potent "power word". Read on and you'll see what I
mean.
Let's look at the word from the perspective of the listener
first, then from that of the speaker.
The word "no", as it pertains to Real Estate Investing, is of
particular interest. When you are doing the business correctly,
making lots of offers to buy, you hear "no" often. You hear "no"
far more often that you hear "yes" whether you're buying Junkers
or Pretty Houses. Hearing a seller say "no" is a normal part of
our business. We hear it every day.
Our business is a numbers game. You'll average 10 to 20
offers for every Junker you buy. That's a lot of "nos" for every
"yes". With Pretty Houses you can expect an average of 2 to 5
offers per Pretty House that you buy. Factors such as your
experience level, self-confidence, preparedness, etc. will
affect these averages.
The quality of the offers you are making will have a lot to
do with the averages. Are your offers realistic? Are you making
multiple offers? Are you considering whom you are making your
offers to and their needs? Are you following up on your offers
even if the seller has said no?
It's no problem to deal with a seller saying "no" right? It's
a normal part of your business and you can handle a little
rejection, right? You hear "no" all the time and are trained to
deal with it. Right? Hmmm...I'm not so sure. When we hear the
word "no" it is one of the purest forms of rejection you'll ever
endure. Rejection is hard to take because it gets personal. We
think the "no-er" is rejecting us personally. No matter how you
slice it, everyone has some amount of fear of
rejection.everyone.
What often happens is that, even though you think you're
tough and you can handle it, you get so sick of feeling rejected
that there is a drop-off in the number of offers you make. Your
numbers dwindle until you eventually quit making offers
altogether. You may not even be aware it's happening until you
wake up one day and realize you haven't bought anything in weeks
or months.
This sometimes leads to a full-blown case of
"Gotta-do-a-deal-itus" wherein you knowingly pay too much for a
property. (At least the seller didn't say "NO"!) This is a
tragic, knee-jerk response to the situation that can have a
devastating impact on your business. Though you tell yourself
you're strong and that you would never succumb to such a fate
you may be in a state of denial and have a good case of it right
now.
It's possible that your subconscious is insulating you from
the discomfort of failure without you even knowing it. How could
that happen? Your subconscious is clever and capable and can
invent very justifiable reasons why you are not making offers.
One of its functions is to help you feel good about yourself.
For example, do you ever give yourself reasons or excuses why
you're not doing what you know you need to be doing? If so, this
could be your subconscious at work behind the scenes providing
you with these clever, make you feel good, excuses.
Many of us truly believe in our heart of hearts that the
reason we are not more successful is because we have other
priorities that stand in the way. In reality it is a powerful
fear of rejection that stands in the way. This fear can be so
strong that our subconscious, which is ultimately there to
protect us, steps in and seduces our conscious mind with all
sorts of falsehoods. This way, at least we can still feel good
about ourselves, or at least not worse.
If this is happening to you, be aware that this is an
entirely normal and predictable reaction to feeling rejected. It
is extremely common and may well be the greatest single reason
for failure in this business. Also know that if this is
happening to you, you're most certainly NOT in control of your
life, and it is control of your life that you're seeking or you
wouldn't be in this business.
You may be saying to yourself, "I'm glad this psychobabble
doesn't apply to me". But let me ask you a question. Are you
doing the deals you need to be making the money you want? Are
you where you want to be with your Real Estate Business? If not,
why not? Be careful, you could be in denial. Yep. You could be
so strongly hypnotized by your excuses and rationalizations that
you're not even willing to consider that you are in denial.
If you are not doing what you want to be doing, if your
business is not as prosperous as you want it to be, a simple
fear of rejection could be stealing your dream. Maybe it would
be a good time to have a long talk with your self.
Think about it. It's easy to look at yourself in the mirror
and say: "The reason I'm not more successful in the Real Estate
business is.because I am too busy", or ".because I'm unlucky" or
".because I'm too young" or ".because I'm too old" or ".because
I need more education" or ".because of this or that or the other
thing". These excuses make you feel better because they get you
off the hook.
On the other hand, it's NOT easy to look at yourself in the
mirror and say: "The reason I am not more successful in the Real
Estate business is because I have a paralyzing fear of
rejection" or "when a seller says "no" to me, I take it
personally and I can't handle it." The truth sometimes feels
like a punch in the stomach.
Sadly, it's easier and less painful to take the easy way out
and cling to our excuses. Ironically, when we soothe ourselves
with excuses it's simply our subconscious at work. It protects
us from pain and it allows us to believe that our excuses are
valid. This is going on deep in the background of our
subconscious. Isn't it amazing that this life-dampening,
success-threatening conspiracy is going on in your head without
your knowledge or permission?
When it comes to the all-powerful subconscious, there is only
one thing you can do. You must train it to do the things that
propel you to achieve your goals, and only you can do that.
Think about it: it's your body, your mind, and your future. If
you want to succeed, YOU HAVE TO DO THIS. If you don't train
your subconscious, you will be in shackles your whole life.
You'll never get what you want and you'll never understand why
things "didn't turn out right". With the unlimited opportunities
that surround us, the vast majority of Americans are imprisoned
because they never learned how to train their mind.
So, how do you tame our subconscious and break though our
fears? How do you wrestle control of your life from foolish
thinking? You need FOOD. Yes, "food". I'm not talking about Big
Macs or celery. I'm talking about BRAIN FOOD!! You need to feed
your brain a solid diet of healthy food. I am talking about
thinking positively, using affirmations, listening to good
information on tapes or CD's, reading books and articles that
inspire you, focusing on your goals, and directing your
thinking. Some of the best brain food of all is our own directed
thinking. Remember this saying. Successful people direct their
thinking. Unsuccessful people have random thoughts.
You have to say no to Brain Junk Food. Brain Junk Food is
your negative thoughts, the negative people around you,
brainwashing by the media, and mind-numbing TV, to name a few
examples. Anything that goes into your head that does not have a
positive effect and does not propel you toward your goals is
Brain Junk Food. You must avoid it at all costs. You must
ruthlessly cut it out of your life like a cancer from your body.
You cannot afford the luxury of being lazy about this!
Years ago I read a book called "You Can't Afford the Luxury
of Another Negative Thought" by Peter McWilliams and Jean
Sedillos (Prelude Press, ISBN: 0931580579) that really helped
change the way I think. I give most of the credit for my success
to my subconscious because it has steered me right, kept me
motivated, and been a source of strength over the years. Here's
why: I have been very careful in what I have fed my mind, and
you should be too. It only takes a marginal shift in your
current habits and attitudes to start training your subconscious
mind to be a source of strength and power. Remember that if you
want change in your life you must change what you think. Change
what you are feeding your brain, face your fears and overcome
them, and then redesign your life so you can live the lifestyle
of your dreams.
Now.about using the word "no" in OUR vocabulary. Saying the
word "no". Using the word "no" requires skill and courage. Think
about this: when was the last time you agreed to do something
that you knew, even as you as you were agreeing to do it, you
didn't want to do? Perhaps I should ask how many times TODAY.
It's hard to say "no". It's easy to say "yes". "No" invites
conflict and disappointment. Saying "yes" makes others happy,
especially when we have a sense of responsibility to the person
asking us.
"No" is a word reserved for the empowered. "No" requires a
sense of self-confidence strong enough that if the other person
feels rejected, it doesn't affect you. The skill required to use
"no" usually comes once you've achieved (or believe you have
achieved) some degree of success. As you achieve your goals and
gain confidence, you find it easier to say "no". Since
successful people utilize "The Power of "no", then we should use
it as we become successful, too!
Saying "no" is a subtle yet extremely powerful way of
exercising control over your life. When you begin to enjoy the
freedoms of success you will find yourself saying "no" and being
empowered by it. When you're operating from a position of
strength as opposed to a position of weakness you can do what
you want, when you want, and "no" becomes an increasingly
important part of your vocabulary.
They say that growth comes from letting go. If that is so
then you can't grow until you let go of what is holding you
back. And you can't let go of all the unnecessary details,
unwanted commitments, and annoying entanglements of life until
you can say "no".
The key is to begin exercising control over your life NOW. No
matter what level you're at or where you plan to go, the sooner
you start letting go and saying "no" the sooner you will achieve
your goals.
To which parts of your life can you apply this thinking? To
which requests, invitations, and questions should you begin
saying "no"? I bet you can think of lots right now.
I measure the character of those around me by their ability
to do what they said they would do. If you find yourself saying
"yes" while thinking "no" and then you don't do what you said
you would do, you're life will be riddled with guilt and regret.
This, my friend, is one of the greatest maladies you can have.
Not doing what you said you would do is the surest route to
failure and personal dissatisfaction there is.
People who can say "no" when it is appropriate rarely fall
victim to this form of character blight. Those with weak
character say "yes" when they mean "no". Those of strong
character say "no" when they mean "no".
So, you see the word "no", as tiny as it is, truly is one of
the most powerful words in our vocabulary. Mastering its use is
a goal worthy of your attention. Whether we are hearing it or
saying it, "no" is one word that can make the difference between
success and failure.
